Forget Paris (1995)

As I was watching the film, I couldn't help but think of how the triangular theory of love applies to Mickey and Ellen's relationship. The feelings both of them experienced when they just met and were starting to get to know each other is typical of new love; it is all-consuming and exciting. I would call their type of love at this stage infatuation, as there was no particular commitment on both their parts because they both knew that Mickey had to leave Paris soon. Some may argue that what they had was romantic love, but I disagree because romantic love requires intimacy, and one of the components that is required for intimacy is having extensive knowledge about the other party (Miller & Perlman, 2014). Mickey and Ellen had just met and barely knew anything about the other; one week certainly is not enough to learn almost everything there is to know about a person, especially since they were so caught up in romanticism then.

They still did not know each other very well when they chose to get married soon after that, but they were still experiencing the high of new love and did not take into account what would happen when reality set in. They committed to each other (passion + commitment = fatuous love) without considering post-marriage arrangements, such as where Ellen would work and if Mickey would continue to work as a professional referee, a job which required him to be away from home most of the time. 

The honeymoon period soon wore off and Ellen grew unhappy because she was only seeing Mickey a few days out of a month and was stuck in a job she did not like. Their relationship became inequitable, as Ellen felt that she was sacrificing too much for the relationship. As a compromise, Mickey decided to take a year off from work to stay home with Ellen. However, when Ellen was promoted, it was her turn to be hardly at home, leaving an unhappy Mickey with his mentally ill father-in-law. Such was the nature of their relationship - when one was happy, the other was miserable; they were unable to find a compromise that worked for the both of them. 

Things were especially difficult for them because they kept having high expectations of the relationship based on the wonderful week they had in Paris. Mickey was fixated on how Ellen was like before they got married, and vice versa, causing the both of them to be unable to focus on and improve the present relationship. This is due to not having realistic views of each other prior to their marriage, as they did not get to know each other really well before making that commitment.

In addition, they got married almost on a whim. Mickey was at a low point in his career, while Ellen had separated from her husband not too long ago and was feeling vulnerable. Both of them were feeling quite lonely when they crossed paths, which most likely contributed to their whirlwind romance. Ellen herself had admitted that she felt lost and did not know who she was when she was alone. In this sense, perhaps they entered into the relationship with some hope of the other party being able to fill the gap in their lives, which is not a good idea because true fulfilment comes from within. Being with someone who makes you feel good can only do so much for your happiness in the long haul; if you are not contented with life and who you are when you are single, you are not likely to be contented either when you are in a relationship. People also should discover who they are as an individual before getting into a relationship, as they need to have a concrete sense of self instead of constantly changing who they appear to be in order to best fit the relationship they are in at that point in time. 

Most romantic films end when the male and female leads finally end up together, but what makes this particular film refreshing is that it shows us what happens after the honeymoon stage is over. I feel that this film paints quite a realistic picture of what relationships in real life are like - yes, it can be passionate and amazing, but it also involves a lot of frustration, communication, and compromise. Romantic love alone is not going to be able to sustain a relationship for many years. Even if a couple had consummate love in the beginning of their relationship, it is very unlikely that it will last decades; it will eventually evolve into a different kind of love (companionate love; Miller & Perlman, 2014), and that is not a bad thing. The relationship may no longer be all about passion, but the stability and familiarity that companionate love offers is just as good, just different.

References

Miller, R., & Perlman, D. (2014). Intimate relationships (7th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

Strictly Ballroom (1992)

The title itself suggests that there are rules to be followed when dancing in the Pan-Pacific Championships in this film, i.e. only ballroom dancing is allowed. A central theme of this film is that of social influence, which can be seen in many situations throughout the film. The director was clever in using dance to illustrate the concept of social influence, because dancing is an individual expression of self yet there were so many rules for the film's characters to follow if they wanted to win the Pan-Pacific Grand Prix. This provided the director with ample opportunity to depict the way in which social influence works.

Conformity is a major part of the film. The whole idea of Pan-Pacific Grand Prix competition and what it takes to win it is based on the concept of conformity, particularly its normative influence - all contestants must dance using steps that are approved of the Australian Dance Federation, as failure to do so will result in being disqualified or losing the championships. This can be seen when Scott loses one of the competitions at the beginning of the film due to his improvisation of his dance routine, which took his partner Liz by surprise. Afterwards, Liz quit her role as Scott's partner because he refused to conform to the Federation rules that everyone else was abiding by.

Throughout the film, Scott exasperates his family and friends as he insists on dancing the way he wants to instead of the way he is supposed to, even if that means risking the champion title, because all he wanted to do was dance. Fran also displayed non-conformity when she did not want to adhere to the beginner dancer norms, and approached Scott (a dancer who is considered out of her league) to volunteer to be his partner.

After the competition in the film's opening scene, Scott went around asking the people from his mother's dance studio if they had liked his steps, but all they said was that he didn't win, so it didn't matter. Scott became increasingly frustrated as none of them would give him their opinion, including his friend who simply said "I don't know" when he was asked.

That, I believe, is the problem with conformity. When people are so used to changing their perceptions, opinions, or behaviour so that it is consistent with group norms (Kassin, Fein, & Markus, 2011), it results in individuals who do not have their own opinions; they are like mindless sheep.

One method to reduce conformity is to have someone first break free from the majority. When Scott and Fran were ordered to leave the dance floor during the Pan-Pacific Championships, the entire room fell silent; everyone was watching to see what Scott and Fran would do, and no one dared to speak up or otherwise indicate that they disagreed with Fife's directive. Scott's father, Doug, then broke the pattern of conformity by clapping out a beat to show his dissent. As the normative pressure to conform was now reduced, others started clapping along as well, until the whole stadium was filled with a thunderous rhythm.

Although I initially did not like the film as I felt it was too theatrical, I began to enjoy it as it progressed, especially because there were some scenes that I found genuinely funny. I also liked the message that Fran imparted not only to Scott, but also to the viewers - a life lived in fear is a life half lived, which encourages us to pursue our dreams without fear of what others around us might think or say.


References

Kassin, S., Fein, S., & Markus, H. R. (2011). Social psychology (8th ed.). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth, Cengage Learning.

Eat, Drink, Man, Woman (1994)

This film portrays a typical Chinese father who has difficulty in openly conveying his love and affection for his three grown daughters, so he shows them his love using the only method he knows how and is comfortable with - through food. Mr. Chu is an esteemed chef who is used to preparing elaborate meals in professional kitchens, and he always prepares a feast for the family's weekly Sunday dinners to communicate his love towards his daughters. The use of food to convey feelings is common in most Asian families, but in the Chu family it held a lot more significance as the Sunday dinners were the platform for family members to make life-changing announcements.

Mr. Chu also showed his love for his daughters in other subtle ways, for example, waking them up in the morning, doing their laundry for them, sorting out their clothes and placing it in their respective drawers (although he tended to get it wrong), and even scolding Jia-Chien for falling asleep at her desk, saying that it was bad for her posture.

Food is a central theme in this film, and the activities and issues surrounding it is used as an analogy for the dynamics between the characters. Another theme that I picked up on is the basic human need for love and belonging, as stated in Maslow's hierarchy of needs and Glasser's choice theory (Friedman & Schustack, 2014; Sommers-Flanagan & Sommers-Flanagan, 2012). In the beginning of the film, we learn that Mr. Chu is losing his sense of taste and has to rely on his friend, Uncle Wen, to give him feedback on his dishes. His painstakingly-prepared dinners go relatively untouched because his daughters do not find the food appetising, and would prefer to be anywhere but at the dinner table with their father.

The deterioration of Mr. Chu's sense of taste can be seen to symbolise the result of being stuck in a period of his life that he would like to move on from. He is tired of the years he spent in the kitchen and wants to retire from both the professional and home kitchens, hoping that his daughters will quickly leave home so that he can start a new phase of his life with Jin-Rong. Similarly, the state of his relationship with his daughters is most likely the result of years of routine dinners, so much so that Jia-Jen and Jia-Chien feel trapped in the family home and resentful towards their father. Although Mr. Chu obviously cares for his daughters, their actions do not seem to show that the feeling is mutual, and Mr. Chu can sense their resentment. The family might live in the same house, but they all lead very separate lives, leaving Mr. Chu feeling lonely. Therefore, he turns to Jin-Rong and Shan-Shan who are happy to spend time with him and can provide him with the love and sense of belonging that he needs.

The intermittent traffic scenes symbolise the passing of time and change. There was a traffic scene just before the big dinner in which Mr. Chu announced his relationship with Jin-Rong, which was different from the first two traffic scenes shown. In this scene, there was a traffic conductor that wasn't there before, suggesting that change was taking place in Taipei, but more importantly, in the Chu family. Indeed, there was change in the dynamics of the family. The relationship between the Chu family members seemed to be less prickly since Jia-Jen and Jia-Ning left the family home. Previously, the three daughters grudgingly ate the food cooked by Mr. Chu, but now everyone was helping themselves and really tucking into the food (before the announcement was made).

Towards the end of the film, yet another scene of moving traffic was used to indicate that more time had elapsed, and with that, more change. We learn that Jia-Chien has taken up the job in Amsterdam and is home after a few months of being away. When Mr. Chu arrives for dinner he doesn't let himself in despite having the key, which I interpret as him respecting the fact that the house now belongs to Jia-Chien, and whom he now sees as an adult. At the very end of the film, Mr. Chu realised that he had regained his sense of taste when he began criticising Jia-Chien's soup. I feel that this is symbolic of the fact that he is no longer 'stuck' in life, as he now has a new life with his young wife and her daughter, in addition to an improved relationship with his daughters, particularly his second one. The last scene, though simple, was very heart-warming and shows just how much the dynamics between the father and daughter had changed over the course of the film.


References

Friedman, H. S., & Schustack, M. W. (2014). Personality: Classic theories and modern research

     (5th ed.). Essex: Pearson Education Limited.

Sommers-Flanagan, J., & Sommers-Flanagan, R. (2012). Counseling and Psychotherapy
     Theories in Context and Practice: Skills, Strategies, and Techniques (2nd ed.). Hoboken, NJ: 
     John Wiley & Sons.

Running on Empty (1988)

I think it's rather sad to have to constantly look over your shoulder as you go about your everyday life, That is what Danny has had to do for many years, though through no fault of his.

Arthur and Annie Pope are very liberal people who treat Danny and Harry (their children) more like grown-ups than as a teenager and a child respectively. The dynamics in the family seem quite egalitarian; every member of the family is important and played a role in the escape scene in the beginning of the film. There is also a low power distance between the parents and the children - Danny and Harry could voice most of their opinions without getting into trouble (a little scolding from their parents does not really count as trouble).

Although this egalitarianism in families would be common in the West, part of the reason that Arthur and Annie treated their children as adults was because Danny and Harry did not behave in ways typical for their age. They had to grow up quickly due to the circumstances they found themselves in, and were more mature than their peers. One example is when Danny offered to chop the wood because he had the day off from school, instead of letting his father do it - most teenagers would be all too happy to avoid doing chores and would not have so readily offered to help.

Running from the FBI throughout all those years has made the family more tightly-knit than most others, since they only had each other to rely on. They value unity, as can be seen from Arthur's initial refusal to allow Danny to go to college as it would split the family up, as well as Danny's hesitance in even just applying to Juilliard as that would mean leaving his family. This makes the Popes more similar to Asian families than Western ones in the sense that they have adopted more collectivistic rather than individualistic values when it comes to decision-making, as the decision of one family member would greatly affect the other members. The group (family) cohesion is extremely high, making it even more difficult for Danny to break one of the most important group norms, i.e. not discussing his family matters with others. We can see that Danny was pained that he could not tell his girlfriend, Lorna, much about himself, and experienced dissonance when he finally revealed his complicated family background.

Throughout the film, Danny repeatedly made statements such as "he needs me", "they need me", "he's my father, I can't", and also told Lorna that "I can't go to college. I can't leave them." This combination of Western and Asian values that Danny is exposed to also results in a lot of internal conflict, because on one hand he wants to be his own person and pursue his dream of studying in Juilliard, but on the other hand, he is also fiercely loyal to his family and is committed to maintaining the family as a unit.

Lorna asks Danny several times throughout the film if he has told his parents - particularly his father - about his college plans. Being from a stereotypical 'normal' Western family, she feels that Danny should be able to make his own life choices and does not really understand why he seems unable to come clean to his parents about what he wants. Despite the low power distance in the Pope family (mainly a Western concept), for the longest of times Danny did not dare voice his feelings to his parents because he knew that it would cause disharmony in his family, and he was putting the family's needs above his own happiness (as is usually the case in the East - or at least, it is what is usually expected of children in Asian families).

We see that Danny really struggled with this decision, and when he finally decided to tell his father that he wanted to stay, he took a long time in working up the nerve to do so. He abides by his father's decision although he is unhappy about it (again, a quintessential Asian trait); Danny rushed off to say goodbye to Lorna when the family had to quickly leave town - he could very well have just stayed with Lorna since there was no one around to force him to leave, but he returned to his family as fast as he could instead of abandoning them.

I liked the ending of the film as Arthur finally realised that while Danny was his child, he was also an individual with his own goals in life, and should be given a say in how to lead it. It also suggests that Arthur knows that his son is no longer the little boy who needs to be protected all the time, and he trusts that Danny would be able to take care of himself. Arthur's earlier vehement objections to the idea of Danny leaving may have been due to the empty nest syndrome. Even though it was merely mentioned as a possible future for Danny, Arthur was probably imagining how incomplete the family would feel without his older son, and therefore objected to it.

The film was an enjoyable one. It was interesting to follow the Pope family's journey throughout the two-hour film, and heartwarming to see that the parents finally learned to let go of their child so that he may live the life they could not have.