Forget Paris (1995)

As I was watching the film, I couldn't help but think of how the triangular theory of love applies to Mickey and Ellen's relationship. The feelings both of them experienced when they just met and were starting to get to know each other is typical of new love; it is all-consuming and exciting. I would call their type of love at this stage infatuation, as there was no particular commitment on both their parts because they both knew that Mickey had to leave Paris soon. Some may argue that what they had was romantic love, but I disagree because romantic love requires intimacy, and one of the components that is required for intimacy is having extensive knowledge about the other party (Miller & Perlman, 2014). Mickey and Ellen had just met and barely knew anything about the other; one week certainly is not enough to learn almost everything there is to know about a person, especially since they were so caught up in romanticism then.

They still did not know each other very well when they chose to get married soon after that, but they were still experiencing the high of new love and did not take into account what would happen when reality set in. They committed to each other (passion + commitment = fatuous love) without considering post-marriage arrangements, such as where Ellen would work and if Mickey would continue to work as a professional referee, a job which required him to be away from home most of the time. 

The honeymoon period soon wore off and Ellen grew unhappy because she was only seeing Mickey a few days out of a month and was stuck in a job she did not like. Their relationship became inequitable, as Ellen felt that she was sacrificing too much for the relationship. As a compromise, Mickey decided to take a year off from work to stay home with Ellen. However, when Ellen was promoted, it was her turn to be hardly at home, leaving an unhappy Mickey with his mentally ill father-in-law. Such was the nature of their relationship - when one was happy, the other was miserable; they were unable to find a compromise that worked for the both of them. 

Things were especially difficult for them because they kept having high expectations of the relationship based on the wonderful week they had in Paris. Mickey was fixated on how Ellen was like before they got married, and vice versa, causing the both of them to be unable to focus on and improve the present relationship. This is due to not having realistic views of each other prior to their marriage, as they did not get to know each other really well before making that commitment.

In addition, they got married almost on a whim. Mickey was at a low point in his career, while Ellen had separated from her husband not too long ago and was feeling vulnerable. Both of them were feeling quite lonely when they crossed paths, which most likely contributed to their whirlwind romance. Ellen herself had admitted that she felt lost and did not know who she was when she was alone. In this sense, perhaps they entered into the relationship with some hope of the other party being able to fill the gap in their lives, which is not a good idea because true fulfilment comes from within. Being with someone who makes you feel good can only do so much for your happiness in the long haul; if you are not contented with life and who you are when you are single, you are not likely to be contented either when you are in a relationship. People also should discover who they are as an individual before getting into a relationship, as they need to have a concrete sense of self instead of constantly changing who they appear to be in order to best fit the relationship they are in at that point in time. 

Most romantic films end when the male and female leads finally end up together, but what makes this particular film refreshing is that it shows us what happens after the honeymoon stage is over. I feel that this film paints quite a realistic picture of what relationships in real life are like - yes, it can be passionate and amazing, but it also involves a lot of frustration, communication, and compromise. Romantic love alone is not going to be able to sustain a relationship for many years. Even if a couple had consummate love in the beginning of their relationship, it is very unlikely that it will last decades; it will eventually evolve into a different kind of love (companionate love; Miller & Perlman, 2014), and that is not a bad thing. The relationship may no longer be all about passion, but the stability and familiarity that companionate love offers is just as good, just different.

References

Miller, R., & Perlman, D. (2014). Intimate relationships (7th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.